European TV’s Eurovision Song Contest is “quite possibly the world’s most garish musical spectacle. Each year, contestants kitted out in everything from Viking helmets to bondage outfits perform original compositions to taped backing music. Viewers across Europe (some 150 million in total) vote by telephone for their favorite, excluding their own nation’s song. The most famous winner was ‘Waterloo’ in 1974 by ABBA, who went on to become to pop-music kitsch what Jesus is to Christianity.”