“If by ‘loser’ you’re referring to a man who is greeted eight times a week by a thousand people who stand as one, applauding until their hands are raw, cheering until their voices are spent, whispering, ‘He’s so much better looking in person!,’ and laughing until their faces are contorted in an anguished mask that can best be described as a sort of Bell’s palsy … then yes, I am a loser.”