“Narrators kept assuring me that Marley is ‘dead as a doornail,’ and Scrooge’s line about wanting to meet all three ghosts ‘at once and get it over with’ failed to get a laugh every time. The Ghost of Christmas Past could be a Tim Burton-esque figure in a billowy white dress and top hat on a swing, or a flying, shirtless Roman soldier in a metallic silver kilt, or a Run-DMC-style ’80s rapper in a red Adidas track jacket and gold chain.”