“John Paul Mulready (40) burst into his neighbour’s flat brandishing a serrated peeling knife after hammering at the door shouting … The injured party, Dermot Byrne, told [police] that there was a brief standoff after he picked up a frying pan to defend himself, but then Mulready tackled him to the ground, stabbed him in the leg and bit him on the face. Mr Byrne, who composes poetry, eventually got rid of the attacker by swinging a large bottle of vodka at him after another neighbour intervened.” (This really should have happened in Florida.)