“If you’ve seen that Hulu commercial starring Alec Baldwin, you surely know that TV is a plot devised by aliens to turn our brains into mush so they can scoop them out and eat them. … The human race seems to be falling for this devious scheme, and aliens must be readying their sporks and knives.” That’s right: American TV viewing is at “an all-time high,” and people are watching even more hours of TV online and on cell phones.